I found out something interesting recently. I've stopped reacting emotionally when I feel attacked or threatened.
The first thing I do is STOP. I then mentally take the emotion out of the need to react immediately. I force myself to pause at first. Then, if I must, I respond, but I do not react.
I try to curb the need to attack, or be defensive. I try not to use sentences beginning with 'You'. I try to respond by beginning with 'I'.
I know there are fancy terms for this technique, and I am sure I'm not the first to use it. And yes, it does work to defuse the situation for the most part.
The need to respond to attackers with witty mean-spirited comments is fading. I am happy to break that cycle.
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