It still hurts that I've lost a friend for good. Even though our falling out happened almost three years ago, I still find myself wanting to apologize. Only thing is, I can't remember my exact words in which to take back. I just know they were hateful and directed to your significant other. Then you stepped in, and told me something akin to "Are you off your meds?", which of course, pissed me off and that's when our friendship came to a crashing end.
So why the hell do I still feel bad? After all, I'm not the one who's in a twenty + year relationship with a married woman who won't contemplate divorcing her husband so she can live "happily ever after" with you.
No, I'm hurt because you insulted my pride, my intelligence. You insulted my husband. Heck, you and her even insulted HER husband, in front of him, as well as behind his back. I'm hurt because you are living a lie. You believe what she tells you. Yet, her actions speak so much more to me than you could ever imagine.
I'm hurt because you are bound to a woman who has no marketable skills. What would happen if HE left, or passed away? Would she work at Starbucks to help you pay the bills? Or will she still play housewife and fiddle around with her multitude of hobbies to pass the day away as you slave each and every waking moment so you both can survive?
Is this what you want? Really?
Remember, I'm the one who NEVER took pot shots at your weight. I never sneered at your choice of occupation. And I never chided you for being gay. I still don't think it's wrong to be gay! I actually want gay people to be able to marry legally in our country. In all the states! Marriage is for everyone, not just between man and woman.
I'm also the same person who stuck by you as others didn't.
I want to be friendly to you again. I'm sure THAT is not going to happen because you'd have to forgive me.
But mostly, what I want from you is RESPECT. That means accepting me for my successes as well as faults. I also want respect for my marriage. No more cheap shots at men. Not hers and especially not mine. I will never tolerate that.
Until the magical day where we can look past our heated and hateful fighting words, we shall forever remain apart.
