It's my husband's day off and that means we chose to go out for breakfast at our local Bob Evans restaurant. We laughed about how much less cholesterol we would get if we opted for the Egg Beaters instead of eggs in our omelets. Cholesterol levels aside, we chose real eggs.
The breakfast itself was not only enjoyable but so was the conversation. We spoke of many things, including the guilt I have with my daughter and her long ago adoption by my parents.
You see, she's still very angry with me over this matter. I have always been honest as to my reasons for this difficult decision, but they don't seem to console her. She says I did it for selfish reasons. I don't argue this point because this is how she feels. It's not up to me to judge her feelings. I can only state the truth. And that is, I did what I felt was best for her at that time in my life. And since then, I tried to show her love, kindness and understanding. I do love my daughter. I know I show this often. I also know I am not a good mother in general. I am not drawn to infants and toddlers. They make me way too nervous and my mind goes blank as to what they could possibly want.
As difficult as this is to discuss, I'm fortunate that I'm comfortable with who I am at this point in my life. I'm not an evil person for doing this. There are no horns growing out of my head. Nor, am I going to hell when I die.
I'm a good person. I am flawed, but good. My daughter should be able to see this in my daily actions. I hope she does.
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