Another Great Florida Vacation

The first day began at 3:00am so that we could catch a 6am flight. That went well because we were both too excited to sleep. My brother, the night owl, drove us to the airport. We caught connecting flights in Atlanta, and got into Tampa around 11am. After getting our rental car, we headed towards the beach! But first, we were hungry and made a stop for lunch at the original Hooters restaurant. Yeah, we're like that. Nothing wrong with starting off a good vacation with attractive waitresses dressed in tight outfits to make my husband smile. I'm such a good wife. Hey, if he's in a good mood at the beginning of the vacation, then perhaps he'll loosen up that wallet a bit later on.

The best part about Hooters was when the girls sang "happy birthday" to hubby. That made him blush pretty good. I was too busy laughing and singing along to bother to photograph this priceless moment. He didn't see it coming. It was priceless. The food was good. Spence had shrimp, and I had the grouper sandwich. We both drank margaritas and toasted the day.

After lunch, it was across the street to The World of Beer store that has the biggest selection of beers we have ever seen. It's hard to choose which beers to get, but Spencer did well. Czech, Polish, Chinese, Thai, German, Vietnamese, Belgium, Japanese to name a few. He got a case of everything it seems. Even a beer named "Dead Guy Ale".

We tried to text our friend Matt a few times but was getting no reply. It was too early to check into the hotel, and we thought we'd risk a drive out to his house and see if he was simply sleeping. Matt wasn't home, so we left a funny note on his door, drove back to the hotel and was able to check in a bit early. I still wanted another margarita. I left Spence in the room with the iPod playing in the iHome and had myself 2 more drinks at the outside bar next door called "Frenchy's". I chatted with a nice biker couple on vacation from Vermont. The bartender was generous with the drinks and chit chat. She even gave me a beer cozy to take back to Spencer. Those cozies are really needed in Florida!

While drinking my margaritas, I got a text from Matt saying he was at work, and would drive out to see us later. That left us to relax and enjoy the rest of the day.

We lazed and slept and enjoyed the view from our balcony. Matt showed up after 10pm with smiles and gifts. We talked for a while, then Matt departed citing he had to be up early the next day. So did we!

THE DISNEY PORTION OF OUR VACATION:

After a delicious breakfast at Maggie Mae's, we hit the road for Walt Disney world. Ahhhh Disney. It felt good to be back. But it was kind of a rotten start because I put the wrong address into the Garmin and it kept trying to reroute us elsewhere. Fuck it, we unplugged Garmie and went with our gut and the highway signs for Walt Disney World. I even called Disney to get the right exit and exact directions to our resort, The Port Orleans Resort - Riverside. That helped to make it really stress free.

We checked in quickly, drove to our room to have a couple beers, then grabbed a bus to the Magic Kingdom. Spencer had since donned his spiffy royal blue golf knicker ensemble for his special birthday and he looked fantastic! BUT...the bus was full, and my darling husband chose the one seat that had lipstick on the backrest; courtesy of some small darling I am certain. THIS lead to much frowning by Spencer, and constant reassurances by me of finding a way to fix it. Had I been psychic, I would have tossed one of those Shout travel wipes in my pocket while I was still in our room before we boarded the Magic bus. But I'm not psychic, I was just buzzed from the beer and never saw this coming. And the back of his shirt is white, for Christ's sake.

We arrived at the Magic Kingdom and proceeded to the Will Call to exchange Spencer's coupon for admission and get his birthday button. THAT went well, at least. But Spence was still not smiling. It took a "Happy Birthday, Spencer" from a guest to put a smile on his face. And I was glad. I still had to find a way to get that stain out and watch the afternoon parade that was going to begin in about thirty minutes.

Thankfully, the park was not super crowded! We got a spot by the bakery on Main Street where Spence was greeted by both bakery workers who offered us Mickey stickers. I asked one of the workers for a paper towel and some counter cleaner, then explained about the stain. She rushed in to get them for me and returned with what I sought. I went to work on the stain and within fifteen minutes of blotting, I got it much much cleaner. There was still a pink spot, so I asked the sticker girl for one more Mickey sticker. And it was done!! No more stain. THAT made Spencer really smile!

And we enjoyed the Celebrate a Dream Come True parade!

The rest of the day was very easy as we took our time strolling around the park. We saw The Laugh Floor, where I ended up on camera because of my pink Mickey antennas! I turned all red but it was worth it!

We saw the Wishes show at Cinderella's Castle.

We did our favorite rides like Haunted Mansion and Pirates of the Caribbean. We even found our way onto It's a Small World and laughed more at the guy behind the podium who loads us into the boats. He was dancing up a storm. I also noticed, he was gone when we got off the ride. No wonder he was dancing!

We caught the show at Cinderella's Castle which was the same show we saw last September. But because we were much closer to the stage this time, it was a lot better. And we have the photos of the entire thing which will be posted on Photobucket in a bit.

We stayed for the fireworks, which are always so beautiful. We even got a few decent fireworks photos, too! They are normally not easy to come out right for us. We limped back to the bus after the fireworks, stopped at the main building at Port Orleans and got ourselves a tasty prime rib dinner in the restaurant there.

The next day, we took the pontoon boat over to Downtown Disney where we ate lunch at Planet Hollywood, walked around, and bought souvenirs at The World of Disney Store.

THE BILL AND JANE PORTION:

We got to Bill and Jane's house in Osprey by 6pm, ate dinner with them, and talked late into the night.

At some point that night, I had asked Jane to trim my hair. The trim turned into a major haircut. The hair on the floor was ungodly. It looked like a cat blew up! I was shocked, and yet, pleased. I like this short hair. It makes me look YOUNGER! REALLY YOUNG! I could not thank Jane enough for doing me this favor.

We spent Saturday and Sunday happily doing NOTHING with Bill and Jane. We just sat around and talked about anything and everything. We played with the dog and the cats. It was so relaxing! Spence even took tons of photos! Bill and Jane are two of the sweetest, most generous people we have ever met. We are honored to be called their friends.

BACK TO CLEARWATER BEACH:

On Monday morning, we bid Bill and Jane a very sad goodbye. We had to get back to our hotel to check in for the night. We were also to meet up with Matt at the Don Caesar on St. Pete Beach later that evening. We found Matt hard at work in a mostly empty bar, and made him work harder by making him make us killer margaritas and ordering us some dinner. Spence had the red snapper and I had crusted tuna. OMG, it was TO DIE FOR it was so good! I highly recommend you try dining at the Don Caesar some time! TRY THE TUNA!!

Tuesday arrived way too early, and we had to check out of our hotel at 11. Our flight was not until 6pm and that left us with hours to kill. So we bothered Matt at his house. We talked, had a few drinks, and then hit the airport to return the rental car and get our butts home.

:( And so it's over.

Heaven, maybe?

Original Bad Fiction by Tammy

FOR ADULTS ONLY

IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED DO NOT READ ANY MORE

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*** Rough Draft. Will edit the fuck out of this soon***

AND SO, THE STRANGENESS BEGINS:

The fire was horrific. It engulfed the home in a matter of minutes. Thirty years of collecting odd bits of string helped to ensure the home would stand no more.

Anderson gasped, crawled about the floor of this upstairs bedroom in his Horus the Tortoise flannel boxers, pissed himself a few times due to a previous bladder infection, and finally succumbed to the smoke that filled his lungs, tore into his eyeballs and left him feeling pretty damned irritated. Around him the flames licked the wallpaper, ate into the dingy shag carpeting, and ruined the new bedspread. The roof collapsed, then the floor taking Anderson with it. The fire merrily marched along, finishing its job.

"Puppies," Anderson thought as he slipped into unconsciousness.

Unbeknown to Anderson, his house burned down because of three hundred simultaneous earth splitting volcanic eruptions which not only obliterated his string collection, but also everything on the planet formerly known as Earth.

Within a matter of 3.5 seconds, because of a backlog of emails, a man appeared clad in a black motorcycle outfit, riding a spiffy new red Segway and drinking brandy from a margarita glass. Anderson was amazed by the man's ability to ride a Segway without spilling any brandy.

Anderson stood up, scratched his balls ignoring the large wet spot, looked down at himself and was horrified to find that his boxers had a blueberry stain. It was probably from that muffin he had. What a good muffin it was, too! Moist and full of blueberries in every bite. I wonder if there are more in the cupboard?

"What is your will?" The mysterious man asked him in an accent he didn't quite recognize.

"Pardon?" Anderson replied still puzzled as he squinted to see the man. He was always puzzled. His mother often called him daft and his step father called him Shirley. No wonder Anderson had led such a puzzled life.

"Whatcha want? Cake or Death?" The man quizzed him.

"Ah, cake, please," Anderson replied, going along with the game.

"Tough shit," The man said with a broad grin."

Anderson looked at the man with a dumbfounded expression when his demise came before him in a hazy psychedelic fog. He watched himself die in slow motion complete with surround sound. He also noticed there were previews of upcoming attractions featuring Dom Deluise and Bea Arthur.

The fire. The fire.

Wait. Did this mean?

No, it couldn't be. He had to pick up his dry cleaning.

The man stepped off the Segway, quaffed the remaining brandy then sauntered over to the perpetually puzzled Anderson and clapped him heartily on the back. His features were like a road map, his skin in need of a good moisturizer, and terrible bags around his dark eyes. He even even sported a double chin.

"The expressions are priceless when they realized they're not getting cake!" The man laughed show an ugly smile.

"You wouldn't happen to be Death, would you?" Anderson asked in a shaky voice.

"I am. Mind if I take a picture of you with my new cell phone?" Death asked.

"Er, no. I guess not. I mean, what choice do I have? I'm dead!" Arthur muttered as he self-consciously ran his fingers through his hair.

"Look, stand over there, under that archway and don't look so frightened. I want to frame this nicely"

Anderson walked over to a carved stone archway that he swore was not there before. In fact, the garden that he was walking in was not there before. It was all emerging as he walked. The grass under his feet spring before him with each step. Flowers appeared in full bloom. He looked backwards, saw Death, the Segway, but nothing else. Even the margarita glass was gone. He was hoping for a drink.

Anderson felt and heard a non existent wind blowing through trees that could not be seen. Non existent birds were singing in a nothing afternoon.

As Death fussed with the cell phone, Anderson turned to face Death and posed for the photo unaware the wind had blown upward making him look like a piss-poor version of Carrot Top. Death snapped the photo..

"I think I'll send this to my Facebook" Death giggled .

"Now what?" Arthur asked Death crossing his arms to feel more secure. Death was too involved in his texting to listen to Anderson, so he repeated the question.

"Oh, well, I'll take you over to Heaven in a few" Death said faintly still tapping on his phone with pudgy fingers.

This was NOT the way Anderson was expecting his afterlife to start. Especially clad in tortoise boxers. Where was the tunnel? The white light? The pearly gates? The gentle but loving embrace of God, Jesus and all the angels and saints? All he got was a worn old yuppie with a drinking habit and a penchant for gadgets.

"That's all marketing and advertising" Death said in a matter of fact tone answering Anderson's unspoken questions as he snapped his cell phone shut.

Anderson look puzzled.

"You mean the Segway?" Anderson asked

"You are a daft one. No, I meant the other things you were questioning. And I'm not a yuppie."

"You mean you can read my thoughts?"

"Well, yeah, I just answered your mental questions!"

Anderson flushed and looked down, once more dismayed. Self pity began to overwhelm him. The grass was gone, as was the garden. He was left in this blackness with the sickly hue stuck with an overweight Death in a leathers. And Death just called him daft. This was turning out to be a lovely afterlife.

"Look, it will all be revealed to you in just a few minutes. We're waiting for your Segway to arrive. Transportation is running behind."

"This isn't Heaven?" Anderson sniffed still hurt from Death's barb.

"This isn't Heaven," Death stated simply

"Then what is it?" Anderson cried out expressing his pain

"This is Hold" Death said.

"Hold?"

"Yeah, I said Hold. Shall I repeat it again for you?"

"You mean God put me on hold for Heaven?" Anderson shouted

"God has nothing to do with this," Death said eerily

"Then can you just please tell me where I am? Where I am going and why in the world are you wearing Hai Karate aftershave?" Anderson retorted, finally fed up with this smug and elusive Death.

"Sit down Anderson before you have a coronary" Death quipped

"Very funny," but he sat on the velvet divan that appeared and stared at Death waiting for an explanation.

Death rubbed his chins, looked thoughtful, then pointed to a large flatscreen.

"Just watch this film, it will explain everything. We're quite proud of it, actually. It was produced by Walt Disney in cooperation with Charlie Chaplin after years of intense negotiations with their agents."

Anderson sighed, rolled his eyes, then focused on the screen.

Puffy clouds of the brightest white filled the huge screen against a background of royal blue, floated upwards as strains of violins played Mozart's Concerto V.

"Welcome to To Hold" the voice boomed resonating with awful bass.

"Oh that's original," Arthur sniggered

The image on the screen froze. Death glared at Anderson as he pointed a remote control as him

"Look, it's not mandatory that you watch this. We put in a lot of time into this film to answer your questions, so just give it a chance" Death said, his thumb hovering over the PLAY button.

"Fine, I'll be quiet" Anderson resigned

Death smiled, then clicked PLAY.

The music continued as more clouds flowed upwards. The booming voice resumed,

"The next available agent will be with you as soon as possible. Thank you for choosing Hold!"

The clouds faded in a dissolve and screen credits appeared.

Anderson turned to look at Death with an expression of surprise.

"That's it?" he squeaked

"Yes, that's it. Why, did you expect more?"

"Well, the buildup you gave me, led me to believe it would be rather lengthy. This is a bit of a disappointment for a film. It's more of a clip than a film."

Death look surprised.

"Well, your opinion really doesn't matter, now does it?"

Just then, another Seway appeared, and Death seemed relieved.

"Get on, we're going"

"Where?"

"You'll see when we get there, now shut up and get on the damned Segway!"

" I'm not in Hell am I?" Anderson gasped

Death glared at Anderson until he complied.

The two disappeared.

Then, reappeared.

"We're here!" Death sang

"What do you mean? Nothing happened!" Anderson complained

"Yes it did."

"No, it most certainly did not. Nothing happened!"

"That's exactly what's meant to happen!"

"I don't understand!" Anderson cried.

"You will," Death said producing a green paper on a clipboard "Sign this."

"What am I signing?" Anderson asked suddenly finding a pen in his left hand. He tried to read the language on the paper, but it was just as mysterious as this Death fellow.

"It's just a release form stating I got you here."

"But we didn't go anywhere!" Anderson cried.

"Yes, we did go somewhere. We are here, so sign the form" Death said sounding impatient.

"How can we be here, if nothing happened?" Anderson asked in his irritating way.

"Look, you are right, nothing happened. Okay? We are here, I got you here, so sign the fucking paper. I have appointments to keep!"

"And miles to go before you sleep, I suppose? Anderson smirked.

Death glared. He seemed to glare a lot these days.

"Look, your idea of nothing happening is correct. As you can see, there isn't much around you, it is nothing. And this is where we need to be. Now, sign the paper, and your agent will be here shortly to escort you."

"Fine," Anderson said scrawling his name on the sheet.

The sheet reappeared in Death's hand. Then he was gone. And so was his Segway. The afterlife sure was a fucking ripoff.

"You must be Mr. Anderson Anderson" a slightly nasally voice said that frightened Anderson so completely, he pissed himself for the third time. And that, irritated him even more.

"What now?" Anderson wailed

"Look down at your feet, but don't step on me." the voice said.

Anderson looked down and saw..a small pile of dog shit. It wasn't a fresh pile of shit, but it was not too old either. Still, it was shit.

"What the fuck!" he screamed and jumped to get away from the pile

"What's wrong?" the voice said

"That's shit, mate! Is this a sick joke?"

"I am your agent." the voice said sounding a bit hurt.

"You've got to be shitting me!"

"I would appreciate if you would stop saying shit. It's not politically correct."

Anderson giggled as the whiny pile of shit chided him, then began to laugh.

And laugh.

And laugh.

It was the kind of laughter that starts deep in the belly and explodes forth in gales that cannot be stopped. Anderson laughed like a man gone mad. Perhaps he had? All he knew was that he could not stop laughing. The sheer ABSURDITY of having a pile of shit as a guide in the afterlife. Oh this was rich. This was just priceless. Could it get any better?

The fussy pile of shit began to complain. You really could not tell by its body language because all it did was sort of ooze a bit more and get crusty around the edges. But Anderson could plainly hear it complaining as it grew more angry by the moment.

"They always laughed at me," the shit whined, "They said I wouldn't amount to anything. But I showed them, didn't I? Who is top shit now mother fuckers? WHO IS THE TOP SHIT NOW?" the voice screamed, then realizing its place, took a calmer tone with Anderson. Almost excited..

"I will take you to where you will be residing. I shall stay with you to help you adjust to your new surroundings. Now, the transformation process won't take but a moment."

Before Andrerson could think "wait", he saw something ahead coming toward him with blinding speed. It was a tunnel! The long awaited tunnel! Only...this tunnel was red in color and ridged. The tunnel engulfed him. Anderson felt as though he were being pushed along through this tunnel. He was sliding, to be exact. The walls pulsed and closed around him, squeezing him tighter and tighter forcing him along to somewhere.

After what seemed like an eternity of oozing and sliding, he saw a light. It was not much of a light, it was more of a lighter black, not quite gray, but not quite black. It was simply a change in color shading he was headed toward.

Finally, he was coming to the light at the end of the tunnel! There was an end to this madness!

With a loud liquid sounding explosion, Anderson was thrust forward in a blinding rush that dumped him directly beside his guide, the shit.

"That's better", the shit exclaimed. "You look rather fetching!"

"I am afraid to ask, but what happened?" He felt a little funny, a little bit slimy. The words came, but not by his mouth.

"Your transformation is now complete! We can now be on our way to your new home!"

Anderson tried to move only to find that he no longer had the capacity to walk. He no longer had legs. This puzzled him, and, of course, irritated him to a new point of angry.

"What....did...you...do...to...me?" Anderson demanded

"This was of your own doing. Do not blame me that your transformation did not turn out to be what you like. The paperwork clearly states everything. In 1975 You once stated the afterlife was shit, and so it shall be" The shit said back to him officiously.

"You've got to be shi...." Anderson began

"Don't say it. I told you it's offensive!" The shit warned

"Oh pulling rank on me? Mr. Top Shit Agent?" Anderson sneered.

"Look, if it's about that little outburst, I apologize. You don't know what it's like fighting your way to the top. I started out as a little shit, and earned my status through hard work, ass kissing the kernels, and dealing with the real slime we call diarrhea. They said..."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. You complained about that earlier."

"Now, if you are ready, I do think our commode is waiting"

"Oh shit. Sorry. A TOILET? In the afterlife??"

"Yes, it's our only means of transportation here. We tried using the Segways but the others complained that we left stains on the handles. Stupid bastards."

The commode arrived appearing a little flushed and was followed by a bidet. They appeared to be quarreling.

"I told you to stop jiggling your handle! But would you listen?" The bidet screeched in a high pitched voice.

"Would you stop nagging me? I told you, my valve gets stuck if I don't jiggle my handle!" the toilet retorted

"You never take me anywhere!" The bidet shrieked in despair

"You won't let me leave my seat up!"

Shit oozed over to Anderson and spoke softly....

"beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep"

What the fuck?

"BEEEEEP BEEEEP BEEEEP BEEEEP BEEEEP BEEEEEP"

The shit sounded like...........

An alarm clock.

THANK GOD!

Nothing is wondeful

Today, I will blog on the joys of nothing. Having nothing can be very stress free. Having nothing to do, nowhere to go, no one to call is a secret some of us relish.

Embrace the nothing that comes into your life. Don't send it away by doing anything. Do nothing. Think nothing. This process need not be a day-long activity. Feel free to embrace nothing for only a few minutes. Or an hour.

If you need help with your nothing, you first need to be left the hell alone. This means no texting, no Twittering, no phone calls. Turn off the computer. Go ahead I dare you. Cut the umbilical cord that keeps you tied to EVERYTHING.

Enjoy the quiet. Listen to the silence. Weird huh? Give it a few minutes. You are now your own person, lost in your own thoughts. No one can touch this special time but YOU.

Breathe out the worries and fears. Breathe in the nothing.

Enjoy this as long as you can stand it. And repeat this exercise as needed lengthening your nothing time a little more each session.

Bet you feel more relaxed.

It has been gorgeous these past few days! 80+ degree temps makes me just want Florida even more. It's made me really happy if not just a bit TOO tired. The heat saps strength out of me even if we are keeping the house really cool. I've been active outside, but need serious napping time to recover. Must be the MS I figure.

I stopped by Yahoo yesterday, and was appalled by the vileness of the room. The SSDD goes on and on. I don't talk in there much anymore, I don't feel the need to be negative and hateful to anyone who disagrees with me. There's a few people I really like, and have known for a long while, I'd like to see get away from it. But as we all know, old habits are hard to break.

Speaking of habits. Happy birthday. You know who you are. I know who you were.

With that, my quiet life leaves little to blog. So I'm off to enjoy the rest of my evening.

Dreams

Last night I had to wake up Spence after hearing him having a bad dream. He was kind of kicking around in bed, and muttering "uh" a lot. I softly told him to join me in my dream where we were having breakfast at Maggie Mae's on the back porch watching dolphins jump in the bay. Spence quickly went back to sleep and seemed calm. This left me to go back to my dream of which I just mentioned.

Now if you are still in the "un awake" mode, like Spence was, it can be pretty easy to slip back into dreamland. But for me, I had to use one of my bookmarked dream starters to get me back to where I wanted to be.

I don't know how else to explain it, but it works for me to use favorite dreams as a starting off point to jump into another dream I want to have. I can't always remember ALL of my favorite dreams, or tell you right now what they are, but I can more easily access them as I'm drifting off to sleep and use them to my advantage.

Has this changed my life into a more fantastic one where wealth and prosperity are at my fingertips? Hell no. I just think it's cool.

Since most of my favorite dreams are more like scattered bits and pieces to my awakened mind, I really try not to bother to remember them fully at that time. That's just a way to let me know that somewhere in my brain, that dream is filed.

So, when I want to sleep, I relax my brain, let the flurry of worry run out, and then tap into a part of a favorite dream that can get things moving. I'm not looking to access a specific dream, just one that comes to mind out of my mental favorites. I don't try to recreate the full dream, I add to it and work myself over to a dream I wish to dream for that night.

So far, that works out pretty well. I do get a nicer night's sleep, and feel more relaxed the next day.

I'll keep tabs on this process, and blog about it some more later.

Finding Friends

I am just so doggone happy that I found my long lost buddy Mindy that I cannot stop doing the Happy Dance!

It feels so good to regain a friendship with someone whom I had given up for lost! Bless you Google!

AND....it's getting closer to our six day Florida vacation!! Whooo Hoo, Matt, Jane and Bill, here we come!!!!

Lego Jesus and Happy Easter

Gotta love it!! Jesus was made by parishioners of a Swedish church using over thirty thousand Legos. It took over eighteen months to complete.